Viva Deutschland

Several of my friends (not my family, because they obviously share my heritage) like to disagree with me when I say that being a (no matter how distant) descendant of German lineage is the greatest ancestry one could possibly have. Well, no more. After reading this blog, I am one-hundred percent certain that those unenlightened disbelievers will side with me. Read on. Or gelesen, I should say.

Proof that German engineering is amazing:

1. Porsche
Justification: If you really need a justification for why a Porsche is amazing, I give up already. Hello RS 60 Spyder.

2. Paul van Dyk
Justification: Just listen to “Haunted.” One time. You’ll be a believer.

3. Kraftwerk
Justification: Düsseldorf band in the late ‘70s/early ‘80s that pretty much revolutionized electronic music as we know it today. Booyah.

4. Weaponry
Justification: Anything from the Rheinmetall-Borsig MK 108 30mm (an autocannon for aircraft) in WWII to anything Heckler & Koch has ever created (especially the G3), many German weapons were (and still are) considered to be engineering masterpieces. Bottom line: if it’s a bad-ass gun, it was more than likely manufactured in Deutschland.

5. Wilhelm Richard Wagner / Johann Sebastian Bach / Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
Justification: I could write pages. Suffice it to say: three of the best composers/conductors/essayists of all time. If you are not familiar with any of their works, consider yourself an uncultured buffoon.

6. Mercedes-Benz
Justification: I realize it’s another automobile manufacturer, but can you really beat an SLR McLaren Roadster? Not with a stick. Or an MK 108. Well, ok, maybe with a 108.

7. Beer
Justification: Ok, so beer didn’t originate in Germany. But after originating in Egypt or Mesopotamia or wherever, Germanic tribes facilitated the spread of it throughout Europe as far back as 3000 BC. There are also over 1,300 breweries in Germany, more than in any other country of the world except for the U.S. It is a major part of their culture. And can we say Oktoberfest?

8. Heidi Klum
Justification: She needs none. Really, have you seen her in lingerie?

9. Rammstein
Justification: Even if you won’t admit it, you know you went through a phase in high school where they were the most amazing band ever and you had “Du hast” on repeat for hours (although I would argue that “Sonne” is better).

10. Anne Frank
Justification: “The Diary of a Young Girl” is one of the most inspiring books of all time, made even more unbelievable because it’s true. I wish I had half of her unbreakable spirit.

11. German metal
Justification: The Scorpions. Accept. Gamma Ray. Helloween. Kreator. I need not elaborate.

12. Stollen
Justification: Ok, I don’t like fruitcake at all, but when my grandmother makes this every Christmas it never ceases to be one of the most tasty-delicious cakes I’ve ever had. Any German food, for that matter, can usually be counted upon to be scrumptious.

13. Claus Philipp Maria Justinian Schenk Graf von Stauffenberg
Justification: Most of you would probably recognize him as Claus von Stauffenberg. Either way, he was one of the principal figures of the German Resistance during WWII, and the main mastermind behind Operation Walküre. He was almost successful in overthrowing Hiter. And he was just a general all-around bad-ass.

14. And, of course, the greatest example of German engineering of all…me! :-D (Tell me you didn’t see that coming.)

Stay tuned!